i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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