Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They have beer where we have blood.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
