she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
