My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
