What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
