have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
