You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
