what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
not ubering you a puppy
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
