I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just found puke in my bra..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
