I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
