apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
