Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize