belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
