Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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