3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
