I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
