we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
