I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
