She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
