found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
