Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
