How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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