take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
