Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
