oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
