Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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