Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
