I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
