He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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