guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
