My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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