I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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