Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
