Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
