I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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