I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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