ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
