the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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