sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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