my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
