I just made out with a guy for $7.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
