We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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