My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Terrible idea I love it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize