i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
