I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
