If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize