3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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