I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Holy sore nipples Batman
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
