hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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