She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
