I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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