dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize