It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
