can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
