You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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