The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
