Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
