It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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