I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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