I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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