none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize