clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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