i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
