My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
