Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
