Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
