he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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