I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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