you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
